Daily Journal: 11/28/18 - Hopeful

November 28, 2018



                             stock photo

It has been far too long since I sat down and really wrote about anything. Since my last blog post there has been so much that has happened, both good and bad. I am hoping that by sitting here and typing this all out I can get a different perspective on the course of events that were 2018 later on in the future. I had a pretty full spring season of running, both short and long. Completed some awesome half marathons and my first full marathon as well as some nice rides. I smashed a 5K goal and actually placed in the top three of a 5K the day before my first marathon. I actually was able to place in most of the short races I did during the year in my age group - something I am completely astonished with. I remained pretty much on top of the world until July when I took part in my first triathlon. I had been working all year trying to build stamina and correct form in my swimming. Having never learned to swim as a child this was probably the most intimidating thing I have ever done before...and rightfully so.

Having never been able to do an open water swim before the event, I was really in over my head - literally and metaphorically. I entered the water with my age group on a cold, very rainy day, into water that you could not see you hand under. Even though I started in the back of the pack, I quickly was overcome by the quicker ones of the group behind me, many of whom were clad in their wetsuits and glided right over the water. I was pulled under more than once and was barely able to make it to a buoy. I ended up being pulled from the swim, barely able to control my asthma after the near drowning incident. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to finish the bike and run, which, despite the foregoing incident, had a pretty decent time. I flurried through pretty much every emotion during that time: anger, disappointment, hopelessness, you name it and I probably cried it out that afternoon.

After that, I went through a few weeks lacking motivation. My ego was bruised and I felt that the entire year was for naught. I had one more opportunity to complete my triathlon goal and that was a month later. It was around this time that my body began feeling off. I chucked it up to fatigue. I was really pushing myself in a completely different way this year and probably did a little too much. I wasn't really eating that well and was pretty much just eating as much as I could of whatever was easy and around to replenish calories burned riding, running, and swimming.

My final opportunity for the year to complete a triathlon came at Tri the Wildwoods. I invested in a decent wetsuit for this one - mainly as a confidence booster. I practiced treading water and tried to simulate what I called a "panic drill" in the pool, which is nearly impossible since out gym's pool is only 5.5" deep at best. What I found did help was swimming in the one open lane during the early morning hardcore swim fitness class. When 20 people are jumping up and down in the pool at once smashing pool noodles everywhere you can actually get some decent waves. :D In addition, the event was taking place on my "home beach;" the beach and town where I spent every childhood vacation, learned to surf (ok tried to learn to surf), and a place I know almost inside and out. The day of the event was crazy: we almost didn't make it there on time and I found myself entering the crowd with the swim start that was actually slower than my anticipated goal. That didn't bother me too much since I had no idea what I was getting into...again. Strangely, this chaos ended up fueling me more. I smashed through the high tide end ended up at the first buoy quicker than I though I would. There were a lot of people in distress in front of me, so I found myself treading water for a few minutes while the lifeguards helped get them aligned and breathing right again. I wasn't about to do to someone what was done to me a month earlier. Seeing me just floating there one of the guards asked if I was ok, and I actually was this time. Before I knew it I was in shallow water again and ran onto the beach...pretty much crying, this time from being so happy. Running up the shore I screamed to my husband, son, and friends who came down for the day waving my fist in the air. I was finally victorious. Not a major goal for most people, but those moments of happiness mended my bruised ego. If only it mended my health.

my first triathlon completion and my new favorite medal

I didn't have a whole lot planned for the fall and winter, maybe four or five things, but they all pretty much went down the drain at the end of September. That feeling that began in July, that fatigue, began evolving. I was feeling more and more run down, body full of inflammation; headaches began and still remain 'till this day. For days at a time I would never feel rested. My body would ache even when I did nothing. In addition to that, the Morton's Neuroma in my feet started to get worse and worse. After the end of September, I was pretty much off of my feet. A combination of foot pain (that turned into calf pain, that turned into hamstring pain, that turned into glute pain...) with this lingering all out fatigue kept me from even going to the gym most days. In addition, stress levels began creeping up more and more. Due to my son's new school schedule I had to leave for work almost two hours before I normally would, meaning that if I wanted to even hit the gym in the morning I would have to do so when they opened at 4:40am and try to no fall asleep and drown in the pool and fall flat on my face on the treadmill. It also meant that I could no longer cycle to and from work and I normally would and my normal 2-a-days were gone. We're still not sure exactly what is going on with my body, but I was finally able to get in to see a new podiatrist and schedule some physical therapy for my foot and leg issues. In the mean time, can't help to feel saddened that I wasn't able to finish the things I had wanted to, including my first trail ultra run, but I have to just be hopeful that things will resolve themselves and I can come out on top of it all.

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